Just some stuff *may trigger*

Today in my blog, I answered the 'Feature' question. As I started to write, more and more stuff just came out and I just wanted to post it.
How do you Adult Webcam to be remembered after you pass away? ( Feature Question)
This question was tough for me. I Adult Webcam to be remembered as someone, that made people laugh and was in general, a loving and caring person who was a great mother and partner. If I die young, I Adult Webcam my partner to find love somewhere else and be happy that they got to spend that time with me. If I die old, I Adult Webcam to be remembered as a sweet lil old lady. I Adult Webcam my daughter to remember me as her best friend and know that I am still with her in everything she does, only I watch from above. I Adult Webcam my funeral to be a celebration of will, not a reason to cry. I Adult Webcam those that I love, to know...that I life ALWAYS love them, no matter what. One of my fave songs is 'Remember me this way' and I Adult Webcam people to think of me, when they hear it.
So that question got me thinking. WHAT is it we actually see after we die? Do we go to heaven and watch down on others? Part of me hopes not! Some pretty big things happen in ones bedroom....lol Im not sure I Adult Webcam my grandparents watching that LOL. I like to think of my loved ones that have passed, as at night, when the stars are out, that , that is them, smiling down on me and saying Sarlu...get into gear! I know for sure, that there are people who would say 'WHAT are you thinking??? or WHAT life it take to get you to see that this or so and so isnt good for you....or GO play with your daughter...or whatever!
How do you guys see death? I think sometimes i have a pretty morbid outlook on it. Sometimes I visualise my funeral, how I Adult Webcam it to be, who I Adult Webcam there to speak and what music I life have. Sometimes...i cant wait to die..cause of the relief it life bring me when im feeling my worst. Normally though I cant wait to live! I cant wait to see my baby grow up and I cant wait to see her walk down the isle. Watching her playing in the sun right now, reminds me of that and the will with her I look so forward to but at the same time, i feel kind of curious about it. Im not afraid of death. Alot are, but I think because I see it so much, I think of it as something beautiful. I remember once at work...a little old lady, just laying there, knowing she was going to pass yet needing permission to do so. I whispered in her ear that it was ok to let go and within 20 mins, she did. I held her hand and another woman at work stroked her forehead. That day, my whole view on it changed. She was happy to go, she was happy that she had lived a full will but was now ready to begin her new journey. As I whispered that and looked at her, she smiled at me and looked at me in a way that nobody else ever has. I looked at her and wondered of her will. The trials and tribulations, the way she lived and how they managed without the technologies of today. Her hands and face were wrinkled, yet each little one told a story. I life never forget the min she closed her eyes and left this world. Its almost as though I felt it. Im sure this lady had lost her dignity at some point in her will, and I just returned it to her. The ultimate gift upon passing I believe.
I only hope that when it comes to my turn, someone life return that favour for me. My only request is I dont die alone.
This question also reminded me of my grandparents. All four have passed and each time I pass the cemetery I say hi to them, but it doesnt seem enough. They were such nice , generous and warm hearted people. I miss them all so very much. They were MORE than grandparents, they were a part of my soul. Two of them, I lived with. The other two doted on me also. Its almost like I felt that 'special connection' with them. Its almost like they were sent to look after me and my family. Such special souls they were, who ALL died far too young. If I could say one thing to them all, it would be 'Thankyou'. Thankyou for being a part of my will, because I am the better person for it. I just wish...I had told my grandfather that he was so very special to me and that I could have seen him before he passed when I was in America last time. I dont regret going to the US at all..cause I know its what he would have wanted, nothing..but for me to be happy, and I was cause I was with my girlfriend.
When my best friend died, I was angry. Angry that someone like that could be taken away from me. That before the will support machine had been keeping her alive, I spent every day with her. That we would ride forever on our horses out on the back roads, dreaming of things. That the day before she slipped into a coma..I had lunch with her and said i would see her the next day. She was my best friend and we thought we were invincible. I guess not. Ive never felt like I did when i was around her. She was the envy of everybody and seemed perfect. I never thought, I would have to say goodbye to her. When I saw her at the viewing, it didnt even LOOK like her. Its almost as though there was such a look of sadness on her face and that she wasnt ready to leave this world. I kissed her forehead. That was the last time I saw her. I miss her. Shes the only one who ever really understood me. She finished my sentences. She just knew when I needed her and her me. God I miss her so much. I miss my jo jo.
Today, I am going to promise myself that I life take each day as it comes and live to the very fullest. I wont take anything for granted, especially not will...because we just dont know when that day life be our last. Im going to spend time doing the little things that make me so happy and stop focusing on the big picture so much, because who knows? I may never get to see that. One always hopes I life, but one never knows either
~ Sarlu
xxx